Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mama called me early (for me) this morning. She said she'd had the old dream about her Mama. The one where she realizes she hasn't talked to her in such a long time and when she tries to call her she can't remember the number. It's one of those frustrating, deeply sad dreams because my grandmama died in 1989. You never love anyone like you love your Mama. No matter what. I said: "Mama, I'll do anything in the world for you. Anything in my power. I know you don't necessarily need me. But if you want me, I'm there. Just tell me." And she said: "I know, honey. Can you give me back my Mama? Cause that's what I really want." And I said: "I wish like hell that I could. But that's exactly how I feel about MY mama. Sometimes it's the absolute only thing that will do."

I guess it's harder for us - my Mama and my sisters and myself - to ask for what we want than it is for us to give it. Such a conundrum. Because what we want is to be wanted.


Maria said...

I know that feeling exactly. I want my mama so bad I can't breathe sometimes. You are so lucky to have your mama.

jan said...

Hey Ree-ums. I know I am and I thank God every dang day.