I've decided that rather than look at this whole NaNo affair as a failure on my part, I'm going to look at it as the urging I needed to set me on a new path. I made it to 32,000 words. More words than I've ever written on one subject in my life. And I did all of that in under three weeks. That's not so shabby. My excuses for not striving harder are, essentially, death and family. Last week I flew home for what was supposed to be a pleasant few days with my family and then my high school reunion. While both of these things occurred, I also wound up attending the funeral of one of my classmates who died the Monday before the reunion. She was 34. Her daughter is 6. It's been a most bizarre occurrence on so many levels. Honestly, I wasn't very close to her. We were acquaintances. We attended the same parties in school and her group and my group blended and bled into another. She was a neighbor of one of my sisters for a few years, and my mom worked with her mom... That's what growing up in a small town is all about. But still, her death was a hard blow. A sucker-punch to the face courtesy of reality. One that left me reeling, that's for certain. I began doubting my story. Despising it's dishonesty and lack of integrity. In the past few days most of those feelings, the ones about my story, have subsided. But I'm still shakey and at odds about Jenny's death. Raw and un-nerved for her family and her close friends. Heartbroken for her daughter. Pissed that that goofy, salt of the earth girl has left everyone who loves her way too fucking soon.
As far as NaNo is concerned. I'll be back next year. As for my story. I still plan on plugging away, just not with the same balls-to-the-walls gusto as the previous few weeks.