Tuesday, December 29, 2009

There's a coffee shop in town that displays a new trivia question every day. Answer the question correctly and win yourself a free donut. I cruise through the drive through roughly three times a week and never order anything more than a coffee, yet somehow I end up with a cruller or a black raspberry filled. I've got a head full of trivial information and a belly full of donuts. My big ass brain is conspiring against my big ass ass. Today's question was: "Which western U.S. state was named after a valley in Pennsylvania?". The answer: Wyoming. Who the hell knows this shit? Why do I know this shit?

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Kendall looking rather Parisian and drooly in her new Christmas outfit.

Christmas was fun. Ate so much I had a headache for roughly 36 hours. Miss my family though. I don't know. I just don't know.

What I'm reading: What Angels Fear by C.S. Harris

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Are you cold, sucka?

John sent me this as a text message today. I love his bundled up reflection in the window and the quasi show of concern on Lenny's face.

Honestly, the high today was 25. I chanted swear words any time I had to go out of doors. "christchristchristchristchrist!" all the way across the parking lot at work to my car. "shitshitshitshitshit!" from my car to the electric doors of TJMaxx. I've been studying mantras lately, but I don't think this is what Krishna had in mind.

What I'm reading: "The Apprentice" by Tess Gerritsen. Mailed out Christmas cards today and am participating in the Secret Santa at work. Can't nobody out festive me.

Monday, December 14, 2009

You ever notice how some people are just so damn vain and vague? What do they do with themselves all day? My patience is at an all time low. I swear to God I'm always about three seconds away from saying something I'll either deeply regret or will vehemently deny in a court of law. And I know that this is no one's problem but my own. I'm just trying to lay low and at the same time not chew my own tongue off. I might need it later for singing Christmas carols to John and the cats.

My Favorite Holiday Movies:

Little Women, Elf, It's a Wonderful Life, Kenny and Dolly's A Christmas to Remember, Meet Me in St. Louis, Love Actually, A Christmas Story, The Night They Saved Christmas, Home Alone 1 and 2, The Homecoming: Walton's Christmas.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

A year ago today I was recuperating from bunion surgery and probably wearing the exact same clothes I'm wearing right now. Tuesday I went to see foot doctor #2 because I'm nervous about seeing foot doctor #1 since my foot still hurts like a bastard. Sometimes it hurts even worse than a bastard. It's been nearly two years and this foot of mine has fluctuated between constant and semi-constant pain the entire time. It's sickening and nauseating and makes me pissy and bitchy and useless. So, back to FD#2. He said the only thing I can do is have another surgery, which is pretty much what I expected him to say. So now I'm going back to FD#1 and see what he says. Here's the deal though. I can't afford no stinkin' surgery. Short-term disability is for punk-ass bitches who don't like to eat or shower in doors. Cause let me tell you, 60% of my income will buy me a cup of coffee and pay maybe two of my 900 bills. So that's that. Something for me to mull over.

John and I ate Mexican for supper and I drank a three dollar Margarita and bought a new broom at WalMart because John used our old broom to sweep snow off the porch and the cars. Mmm-hmm. Snow. And ice. Tis the season of purple fingertips and wearing a ski hat to bed. The cats have fattened up significantly for the winter. Their bellies are all hard and they feel like grub worms when I pick them up. John's taken to calling Ernie "Fluffernutless".

My plans for the weekend involve de-icing the freezer and trying to talk John into going to either the Wadsworth or the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. I crave museums. I love them so much I could spit.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I've started this damn blog entry about twenty-teen times and I'm just not feeling it so I guess I'm gonna have to stick to short to the point sentences. It snowed a couple of inches. It's cold. I haven't brushed my teeth today. I haven't left the house/yard since 5:30 Friday evening. I made oatmeal chocolate chip walnut cookie bars yesterday. There's still over half a pan left so I'm not nearly as gluttonous as I feel. I finished reading "Tales Of The City" by Armistead Maupin. I loved it. I want a Christmas tree. We don't have room for a Christmas tree. The cat's would eat and then shit out a Christmas tree. In keeping with that piece of holiday cheer here's my super-duper-ficial materialistic wishlist for Santa or for anyone else who wins the lottery and wants to shut me up:

1) An elliptical or treadclimber machine. Whichever one will allow me to work up the biggest amount of sweat in the least possible amount of time.

2) An Acer netbook with a 250 GB HD, 6 cell battery and 2 GB RAM. I simply will not accept anything less.

2) A Motorola Karma.

3) A brand new right foot in perfect working/walking/running/sitting on my ass condition.

4) Hagrid's hut.

5) A tricked out pimped out SUV of the mafia wife persuasion that runs on air or wind or something eco-friendly.

6) A six pack of white cotton granny panties that don't bunch or sag. That's right. No bunch granny drawers. White ones.

7) A Valium drip.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Me and Kendall. John keeps referring to her as "the kid". It's done with all the love in the world, and out of any one elses mouth it would sound rude and dismissive. Out of John's mouth it sounds really cool and city.

Sage-ness trying to figure me out.

Ernesto La Lovely