Friday, April 29, 2011

I keep wanting to post fun things. Awesome videos I've found on Youtube... Or funny little exchanges between John and myself... Or even pictures of my flowers or cats. But I just don't have the right kind of energy for those sorts of posts these days. The intent is there. The effort leaves me empty.

My Mama is home from the hospital. She was there nearly a week and it was a long journey for everyone. This is one of the many reasons why John and I are moving in the Fall. The distance makes me feel helpless and a hundred kinds of anxious. We're trying desperately to convince Mama to fly up here and stay with us for a while. Every time I swear at John for not doing dishes or not vacuuming up cat fur I have to remind myself that this is the same man who adores my Mama and who encourages her to visit us.

We watched the first episode of True Blood because we're trying to find a new show to love. True Blood ain't it. Those stupid, fake-ass accents made me want to wharf. We're gonna try Nurse Jackie next.

Thursday, April 21, 2011



There was a mouse in the house this morning and these useless fatties I've got living with me had no idea what to do with it. I put them outside and ten minutes later they're leaving us bison and turkey carcasses on the front porch. But a tiny field mouse in doors had them completely confounded.

This has been an insanely intense day. Mama's in the CCU because she's severely dehydrated and is suffering from an extreme bout of colitis and diverticulitis. This is what happens when you're 66 years old and eat like a 13 year old. This is what happens when the only vegetables you eat come from a can and the rest of your diet subsists of pretzels and sugar wafer cookies and diet Sam's Choice cola. This is what happens when you're my mama and you don't tell anyone that you've been sick and passing out for four days and when you won't answer your phone and when you're grieving and depressed.

P.S. The mouse is fine.

Monday, April 18, 2011

I didn't go to work today because I have this welt on my forehead above my left eye that is threatening to take over my face. Plus all this sinus pain and pressure from gotdang allergies. So I went to the doctor. Actually I went to my doctor's husband who's in the practice with her and who isn't really my doctor even though everytime I have to see him instead of her I somehow wind up attached to machines and with MRI and CAT scan appointments and with a slightly diminished self esteem because he tells me I'm fat and my blood pressure is too high and then I inform him that that only happens when I have to see him. I went there with a welt on my head and wound up with an EKG (normal) and him sending me for bloodwork to test if I have RA. Actually, I'm sort of curious about that myself, so I probably will go for that. He's also right about the fat thing and the fact that my cholesterol is a tad too high. Which is why I started walking again last week and and why I've decided to stop eating junk shit. Which is not to say that I won't eat it, but is to say that I'll probably veto it more often than not. In fact, this horn I'm growing out of my head is more than likely my body throwing a coup 'cause it's not had a potato chip in nearly a week.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I keep having to remind myself that it's April, not November. On account of it feels like November with the rain and wind and 35 degrees. I don't really give a rat's taint as long as it doesn't snow. So, this morning John had to take Bill to the walk in clinic and he said he (John) was sitting in the car waiting on him and a State Trooper pulled in and he (John) was like, "Yay, finally!". Because Bill's got a bit of an addiction (and subsequent denial of said addiction) to painkillers and he had a meltdown in Rite Aid the other day because they gave him Oxycontin instead of whatever it is that they usually give him and the Oxycontin "just isn't strong enough". Hello! Yamma-Hamma! But come to find out the State Trooper was off duty. Nobody got arrested today. The story kind of dwindles after that.

While John was driving Miss Daisy and sending me "I'm about to blow my effin' brains out!!!" texts, I was freezing my tail off at the Book Barn in Niantic. I'm sick of the stacks of books I no longer want hanging around my house, so I exchanged them for stacks of books I do want hanging around my house. I had fun. Niantic's by the ocean and is really sweet and quaint in an "everyone makes too much money but doesn't want to act like it" kind of way.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I got a package from my Mama in the mail today. Inside the package was ten pouches of Starbucks instant coffee which equals about 60 cups of coffee, and the bra, flat-iron and Philosophy perfume I left at her house when I visited last month. No card or note or nothing. Now I'm grateful as hell that she sent me my shit. Especially that bra and coffee. But I've talked to her before about at least dropping me a post-it or something. A quickly scrawled "I Love You, Love Mom". That's all I'm asking for. Well, that and my damn bra. I don't know why that bothers me so much but it do.

Went to the eye doctor today and I'm getting blinder. They dilated and numbed my eyeballs, so then driving home afterward I had to drive with one hand on the wheel and the other practically covering my eyes like I was playing peek-a-boo with the traffic. My pupils are the size of Oreos.

Monday, April 11, 2011


Maybe it's the barometric pressure. Or maybe it's all the negative energy up in that joint. But I had a shite work day and a headache since 5:30 this morning. I'm not whining. Just stating facts. Shite work day and headache led me to come home and sit back and meditate. Which led to me crying about my daddy. Which actually helped me feel a good bit better. A little more clear-headed. In the shower, I looked at my tattoos and thought about how I'd like my next one to be the word Daddy and either a cotton boll or a tobacco leaf which is what they farmed when he was a boy. Afterwards, I sat on the couch and dried off and then noticed the Tennessee plate that's been wrapped in paper and lying underneath the blankets and clothes on the couch since John and I came back from vacation in February. I decided to open it and show it to John again and I'm telling him that I haven't hung it on the wall here because I bought it specifically for the wall of our new home and I'm looking at it and admiring it and what do you think is painted on that bad boy? A damn bunch of cotton bolls and a pair of tobacco leaves.

Oh Papa. Never was there a better.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Because it's Sunday and Sunday somehow always ends up as soup day, I made an Italian Wedding Soup which John calls elopement soup and because I've read fifty too many historical romance novels, I called it Gretna Green soup. Of course this is stuff that's interesting only to me. I've napped on and off this weekend. Sleeping and drooling and reading Little Face by Sophie Hannah in between snores and cups of coffee and bowls of soup and looking cats for ticks. It's really blessedly finally spring here and there's no one happier about it. Even though I spent most of the weekend in doors, the windows were open and the heat rarely came on.

I have pre-qualified for a home loan for an amount that was quite a bit more than either John or I anticipated. So the house hunt continues.

I've watched the first parts of Mildred Pierce and The Kennedy's. Read Evil at Heart and Night Season by Chelsea Cain and Faithful Place by Tana French. Took Aggie to the vet and ate fried fish and clam chowder cooked up by the fish on Friday Catholics.