Wednesday, September 5, 2012

12-12-12 World Peace Day

My soul sister Tonya has come up with the most marvelous idea.  A world peace day on 12-12-12.  But not just your typical peace day, but a day or an evening to cut loose and let your child-like instincts come out and play.  Obviously, Tonya can explain it better so here's a link to her blog Soul Pony.  I'm already planning mine. 



Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Sometime's There's Less Than Meets the Eye

Sometimes you have to sit back and realize that the only thing that's gonna make you calm is to stop trying to be something other than what comes natural.  If you get the urge for something, well then just gotdang do it.  Don't second guess it.  Do it.  It's all well and good to be inspired by others, to get your juices flowing and your brain whirring, but you can't be something you're not.  It will eat at your soul and it will have the opposite effect than the one you desire.  For instance:  years ago, when I was at my freshman orientation at UNCA, they grouped us all together by dorm floors in a "getting to know one another" way.  There were probably 50 chicks in that room and in under five minutes I instinctively knew which girls I would eventually be closest to.  It wasn't what they were wearing, or how they tried to project themselves.  It was the natural way they all carried themselves.  To this day, two of those girls are still my most beloved friends.  The point is, you can cover it or douse it or sprinkle it with glitter and Bonnie-Bell, but the real you is gonna come pouring out.  So embrace it.  Being trendy or edgey or trying to look like fifty miles of bad road before you're all of 20... that shit only works for the folks that it works for.  If you can feel it fluttering around inside you, then it's yours.  In fact, that's some pretty good advice there.  If it flutters, do it.  Cause when you act on the flutter, it will always lead to peace.  If you try to follow someone elses flutter, then you might be too busy to realize when you're feeling your own. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Eff You Thomas Wolfe

Things are settling down some here.  We're developing our routines and every day I ride through the town where I was born and raised and I can't believe that I live here again.  I can't believe that I lived so far away for so many years... not that it was bad, I just can't believe that I did that.  But that's how most things are in my life.  I do these strange ass things and then I look back at that chick with wonder and awe and I'm usually so proud of her.  I'm proud of me.  I'm proud of John for adjusting so well. 

What's so wonderful about all of it is that my family lives close enough by that we can see each other whenever we want.  It's still astounding to me, that I can just hop in the car and go see my sister or any of the babies any ol' time.  I get to watch them grow.  I get to be present in their lives. 

The boys are all doing so well.  Ernie's taken to lying underneath Mama's dog Doodle's chair.  So Doodle sleeps in the chair and Ernie sleeps underneath it.  Mama calls it the bunk bed.  We finally got DSL hooked up here last week and we've introduced Mama to the ipad.  It's pure entertainment, watching her tap on the screen with her ring finger.  John got his MLB package through DirectTV and I got rid of Hulu and Netflix and all that mess and other than DVRing Masterpiece Mystery, I've stopped watching television all together.  I was trying to stay busy outside with the yard and flowers and such, but it's been over 100 degrees here every damn day for the past three weeks.  That shit'll kill you dead.  I floated around in the pool with Wendy and Carrie ("Little Baby") last week and somehow avoided burning myself to a crisp.  John and I drove to Boone and Valle Crucis on the 4th and I ate boiled peanuts on the ride home and posted a picture on Twitter. 

There's more stuff.  I'll get around to all of it later. 

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

We're finally here. Been here a week and it hasn't been less than 97 degrees the entire time. But it's good. Of course there's no internets at mama's house and won't be until this weekend so I'm leaching wi-fi off of my sister. Everything's still in a complete state of disarray thanks to it being so did-dim hot and me working all the way in Charlotte. But it'll all work out. Boxes and totes and unpacked suitcases and litterboxes in three rooms and us all adjusting and what I'd really like to do today is sit my ass in a cool mountain creek and enjoy some solitude. Also, posting on an ipad kind of sucks for us folks that was taught to type on Selectrics.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Well, we're still living in yankee land. We half way packed up everything and I'm currently dressing out of suitcases. However, I'm still waiting to be transferred from my job here down there. Waiting. And waiting some more. It's very agitating and infuriating as I gave them over a years notice that this would be taking place, but apparently that made no difference at all. The devil inside wants to burn bridges, but the responsible adult knows that they've got me by the she-nuts. On account of I like to eat and I like my car and some day I'd like to buy a casa. So that's where we're at with that. In other news, John completed his treatment! That totally warrants an exclamation point. His blood test results are all excellent and he feels a thousand percent better. We've been laying(lying?) kinda low, trying not to tap into the moving resources. See, they screwed ME, Jerry! Mostly I've been reading and bird-watching and watching tv on HuluPlus. I've worked out a few times. I've developed a deep appreciation for dusting powder because it's been swampy humid up here. I've discovered Pinterest. I'll post pictures later, once I get my shite together.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Pour Some Music On It

We're a maudlin sort of house this evening as we've just read the news that Levon Helm passed on. He was a soulful and fascinating person and yet another in a growing line of decent men that have left this world better for having been born. A few years ago, John and I were in Woodstock and we asked around and got directions to his house. We drove by a few times, but didn't see any activity so we just rolled down the car windows and yelled, "We love you Levon!". I'll bet that probably only happened fifty or sixty times a day. The man was a shining star.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Jane, his wife.

We finally broke down and bought the new ipad. John wants to have intimate relations with it. I'm not ready to go that far just yet, but I will admit that that Garage Band app kinda blew my mind. I'm like a cross between Fergie and Tchaikovsky with that damn thing. To be honest though, the whole ipad/iphone/skype/twitter culture makes me feel like I'm in an episode of the Jetsons. Sort of makes me feel like canning vegetables or milking a cow or taking a bath in a rain barrel just to get some ding dang perspective.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Concord, Mass



I took a mental health day today and John and I wound up in Concord. We have many fond memories of Concord because it's one of the places he took me during my first visit to New England. We got kind of a later start so we didn't stay too very long. But we did visit the Alcott House. Home of Louisa May and her fascinating family. Unfortunately, they don't allow photography inside the house. But it was lovely and well-preserved and this is the 100th year that the house has been a museum. It was originally built in 1650. That's right. 1650. How crazy is that? Anyway, I love Little Women even though I haven't read it since I was 12. And the Winona movie is one of my favorite movies of all time. I love everything about it. We enjoyed ourselves this day. Concord's an adorable little town with a village feel, but it's also right outside of Boston and is home to Concord Academy. So it was really crowded and there were more BMWs and Volvos than you could shake a stick at. It was still very pleasant. Today John coined a couple of phrases. Such as "the humble Hyundai". Because interspersed lightly amongst the German imports, we saw a few beat up Hyundai's which we figured is some parent's way of trying to humble his prep school youngun. My personal favorite phrase of the day is "un-shorts-unate". We pulled a u-turn in the parking area of the Minute Men state park and I asked what exactly was supposed to have occurred there. The whole time, John and I are eye-balling this poor middle aged bastard in running shorts getting into his convertible. We decided it was the scene of the Unfortunate Short Incident of 2012. Which John shortened to un-shorts-unate. We've gotten a lot of miles out of that one. I don't even know why we waste our time on television and movies when clearly we are our own form of entertainment.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

You know how I'm always a couple years behind on all the cutting edge music? Well, I've just discovered the Civil Wars. I think I'd heard of them, but only because I was at Mama's house when the Grammys were on last month and she DVRed them and it took her like three days to watch them. So I heard their name. I youtubed them today. Sorry if this is old news. You can download their live album for free over on their site. I'm listening right now.



They certainly have something. They're like Don Draper for the ears.

Plus, this is just about the best cover of all time:

Tuesday, March 27, 2012



I'm so glad Mad Men's back. Yesterday John and I were in the car and out of the blue we both started singing Zou Bisou Bisou at the same time. I think that Matthew Weiner might be some kind of a witch doctor. I love it so much.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

I'm so glad that no one other than the federal government looks at my search history... not that it's anything dirty or titillating. But more cause it's the exact opposite of that. Like, odd and boring. I just spent a half hour looking up pictures of a pregnant Jennifer Garner. It's kind of crazy how the paparazzi stalk her and her children. For the love of God, all the woman does is boring mommy things, and now, thanks to TMZ or whatever, we all know exactly what she looks like when she's doing them. I read somewhere that the photographers camp out on the Affleck/Garner lawn at 7am and follow her all day. I just wanted to see what her daughters looked like these days, and now I feel guilty for feeding off of their lack of privacy.

Friday, March 23, 2012


So our Mae is a beautiful boy. But he's a damn mess. He's all spastic and ridiculous and ever since the temperature got above 60 degrees he's been shedding clumps of fur left and right and above and below. I come home from work and it looks like we've got black shag carpet. Now, I groom that bastard quite regularly. Because I seriously think he's challenged and the whole personal hygiene thing is a bit beyond his grasp. So today I dragged his ass into the bathroom and I cooed and ahhed over him and brushed him and q-tipped him and attended to his problem areas when it occurred to me: Mae-Mae is freakin' Bill Dauterive. He's fat and slovenly and pitiful, but you just can't help but like him. I've been calling him Guillaume ever since.

This is John's favorite Bill clip from King Of The Hill:



I don't really have a favorite, as they are all my favorite. But I do really love the episode where Bill visits his family in Louisiana. I'll be having a "case of the horribles" all week now thanks to this clip:



Not so very much going on here. Which is my way of saying that there's stuff going on but I'm entirely too vexed to discuss it. John will be done with his treatment in four more weeks. We'll be moving a few weeks after that. Pretty exciting. Skeery too. We bought an Asus tablet this week. I hear it's pretty nifty. Basically it makes my piece of junk Acer laptop look like an Etcha Sketch. Mostly we've just been trying to lay low. We've fallen in love with Freaks and Geeks. But as there are only 18 episodes, we're staggering them. I'm reading a couple of light weight mysteries that've been lying around collecting dust and cat dander.

Monday, March 12, 2012

I took a vacation day last Thursday so that I could go with John to his liver specialist in Worcester. It was a gorgeous day. Almost 70 degrees. But I felt like shit. I felt so bad that when John asked if I wanted to go to Savers -which is this Salvation Army-type chain store- I said No. That's how bad I felt. So bad that I didn't even finish my fries at Five Guys. Y'all, I am not the kind of girl who doesn't finish her fries. I'll finish my fries and yours too if you don't keep an eye on them. So we went home and I proceeded to become violently ill. It lasted for a while. I had a fever for a few days. I'm missing 36 hours out of my life. It was ridiculous. Today is literally the first time I left the house since that trip last Thursday.

I did manage to finish reading The Witch of Hebron and watch four episodes of Downton Abbey. I'd been saving them up to view all at once because I'm not a big fan of that cliffhanger-tune in next week bullshit. I got through four episodes and then discovered that I'd neglected to DVR the fifth. Gah! Now I can't find it anywhere on the internets so I guess I'm stuck on the edge of my seat until Netflix decides to toss me a bone.

Monday, March 5, 2012

What I'm reading: The Witch Of Hebron by James Howard Kunstler. My sister Wendy's always been a huge fan of survival-type books. So because of her, I am too. First Mr. Kunstler wrote World Made by Hand which is the story of a post-modern world. It's set about ten or so years after the fall of... well, everything. Primarily though, the world has run out of oil and that's what prompts the whole mess. The Witch Of Hebron is the sequel. I can't tell you how much I love these books. They're beautifully written and terrifying and yet, comforting too. The story takes place in a small village in upstate New York. They're folks of all walks of life who are all working towards a common goal. Survival. Love it! A former airline executive is a pig farmer and the former VP of a software company is now a master carpenter. Everything works on a barter and trade system. If that kinda stuff turns you on, go check these books out.

Here's an excerpt from his Forecast 2012:

Wrap your mind around life in an economy organized around farming, with a much sparser distribution of big urban centers, and far fewer people overall. Don't imagine for a moment that your grandchildren will be zinging across the landscape in electric cars sampling one theme park after another while "networking" with "friends" on cyborg social networks implanted in their brain jellies. Think of them grooming their mules in the summer twilight. Anyway, you get the picture: everything that the finance ministries and treasuries and central banks are affecting to do is mere shadow theater performed in support of wishful thinking.
The question, then, is what kind of hardship and disorder will attend our journey out of the industrial era into post-technological age we are entering. Will we just turn the world into a Michael Bay movie and blow everything up? Or will we make some graceful descent and retain what is really best about the human spirit?


source

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Well y'all, it just ain't getting any easier. Alright, that's not the altogether truth. There are some things that are easier. But there's one big thing that totally sucks donkey dick and that one thing is John's Hep C treatment. Apart from the fact that it's absolute hell on his body and his psyche, it's also the reason we decided to delay our move back home. John's undergone treatment several times in the past twelve years. Each time has been pretty crappy. Well, this one is the crappiest of the crappy. And by crappy I mean shitty. Since September he's been taking eighteen pills a day. That's just for the treatment. That's eighteen pills in addition to his normal drug regimen. Also, once a week he has to give himself a shot. Usually I do it because it's easier if you can grab a hunk of flesh and inject into it. Kinda hard to do that in your own arm. Anyway, he feels bad about 80% of the time. Nauseous and feverish and he hurts into his bones. Plus he's developed this really nifty rash (mostly on his hands but also on his stomach, legs and back and head) that oozes and itches and looks like big ol' scabby cigar burns. It's called Ribavirin rash. Y'all know I took pictures. I'm not gonna post them though cause they're pretty gross. The plus side of all of this is... according to his last blood work, he is entirely free of the virus. We're hoping he only has to stay on it through the end of this month.

Now, the good stuff that's going on is that we've had virtually no winter up here. I know this is due to global warming and is probably a sign of the end of our planet, but honestly, I don't give a rat's taint. At this point, I'd rather be swept away by a typhoon than have to spend hours a day digging myself into and out of my house. Last year we had so much snow it snapped a tree limb on to the trailer and blocked our front door and John had to literally lie on the floor and kick the door open a few inches in order to get out. I hate you winter. This year we've only had a couple of snowy episodes and they weren't even bad.

Other good stuff, I went home for a few days last month and got to spend a goodly amount of time with Wendy and these babies:





Wendy and I went exploring in the Brown Mountain area and found The Coffee Cup House:




I went to breakfast with Papaw and Jimmy and visited with them for a while:




Those overalls he's wearing? I lived in his hand-me-down overalls for about 2 years. They were stupid comfortable and the perfect shade and wear and leg-width.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Go Jets!

I don't follow sports at all, yet I know a whole lot about them on account of living with John who eats and breaths New England sports. Frankly, they annoy the fiery piss out of me and I could rant and rave about how boring and stupid and unethical the whole mess is, but I won't. Because John loves them and anything that makes my John happy makes me even happier. Point is: I don't' do Super Bowl anything, but have taken this opportunity to be inspired to make chicken nachos and to help John eat shrimp cocktail. He made the cocktail sauce, which he calls "jeune" and which is the only reason I ever tried it to begin with cause I thought it was something fancy but it turned out to be ketchup and horseradish. But let's face it. I live in Dayville, CT so I reckon cocktail sauce is kinda fancy. I'm also sick. I've been working on a bronchial/sinus thing for a few days now and last night I made myself a hot toddy with some seriously cheap-ass brandy and wound up falling asleep on the couch ten minutes later while watching Disappeared on Netflix. John woke me up around midnight and made me go to bed. But not before he turned on the bedroom light, stood over me and crowed, "You're kecked!!!". Apparently that's how swamp yankees say cocked. I wasn't really kecked though, y'all. Just extremely sleepy and maybe a little tipsy. I was sleepy all day yesterday. We went to see The Woman in Black and I had to pinch myself to stay awake the first hour. After that I gave in because the movie was unaccountably boring. It was a tad creepy in the beginning. I was disappointed. But the nap was nice. Afterward, I had an hour or so to kill, so I spent money at the Anthropologie store in Garden City, RI. For once I was glad I'm not skinny and wealthy. I did enough damage just being regular chunky, poverty-stricken me. Also, I think I spend way too much time in stores examining the other shoppers. Being out in public is very distracting for me. I'm pretty sure I've got a mild case of agoraphobia. Or maybe just nosey-itis. I've got questions and opinions that sometimes keep me from enjoying myself. I like to think I'm quirky and inquisitive. I got my hair trimmed and my eyebrows waxed and then I came home and got kecked off of one hot toddy.

The boys are good. I just finished reading Always by Amy Bloom. It was such a good book. I've been playing SIMS games online and now I'm ready to run my own empire. I've been listening to a lot of NPR. Work has me bruised and bloody from head to toe. I'm flying home for a visit on Friday. There are adventures to be had.

Sunday, January 8, 2012



The above picture has nothing to do with nothing. Except to say that our little town has the potential to be really quite quaint underneath the teen moms in booty shorts and half-way house residents.

We went up north to New Hampshire and Maine January 2 and despite our best efforts, we managed to have a really awesome time. Not once did we argue or threaten to hurt one another. We were sweet and funny and patient. It was like we'd been going to couple's therapy and were really taking all that espousing to heart. Which we haven't by the way. I think we're both just really sad and we're learning that the only other person on earth who hurts in the same way is sitting a foot away.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The New Year

Again, I thought for a minute about starting a new blog. But I'm not creative enough to come up with another name. So I'm sticking with this one.

What can I say really? This year? Well, this hasn't been the finest now has it? Not if you're me. Or John. Or a member of my immediate family. Or someone I text or whine to on a semi-regular basis. I spent a year doing heavy grieving over the loss of my Daddy. I spent six months hand-feeding and worrying myself into exhaustion over Bea. My Mama didn't do so well for a while. John started treatment. I had surgery. We buried Bea and my Daddy. We didn't move. I plowed through all of it. I didn't give up the ghost or lose my religion or flip the fuck out. Not really, I didn't.

Cause it's gonna be alright.